Being intimate and having sex is considered a huge part of relationships by many people. But what happens when one partner desires less sex than the other partner? Some partners become distant and hurt in silence, others show more of aggressive nature. In this article, we will be looking at why your boyfriend gets mad when you’re not in the mood, and what you can do about
So our main question is, why does your boyfriend get mad when you’re not in the mood?
Rejection for a man is a really big thing that can turn him off and hurt his ego. So it is about how you show him or tell him you’re not in the mood for sex. Denying a man sex in a poor way can deprive him of two things: The need to release his sexual energy and insecurity on the love and affection you have for him.
Different situations in your relationship call for what you do next. You may feel like he’s overreacting and treating you like a toy. But you may not be aware of your own actions. Continue on reading to uncover more on why he gets upset and angry when you’re not in the mood. As well as what to do next.
Why Does My Boyfriend Get Mad When I’m Not In The Mood?
Sex is love, affection, and deep intimacy. Sex is definitely a big part of relationships and not just something people in relationships do. Some people can feel insulted or even threatened by the lack of sex, or the dwindling of sex over time in a relationship.
The question on why your boyfriend gets mad when you’re not in the mood has three answers.
- Sex drive differences in the relationship
- His emotionail needs arent being met
- It’s about how you tell him that you’re not in the mood for sex
1. Sex drive differences in the relationships?
There are of course differences in likes and dislikes, that become more evident. But there is one difference or desire that causes one of the biggest and most major issues in a relationship. And that is sex drive.
Sex drive is defined as a person’s urge to seek satisfaction with their sexual needs. Men, Women and every person has a different sex drive. There are some people that have an urge to have sex, 3 times a day and there are others, that have an urge to have sex 2 times a week.
As reported by WebMD, men, in general, tend to have twice a greater sex drive than women (If you would like to check out more on the differences in sex drive between men and women Click The Link)
“Having un matched sex drives in a relationship can leave the person with the higher sex drive feeling like they are getting the short end of the stick in the relationship”
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It is totally normal to have different sex drives in a relationship. Through proper communication and various other activities, partners are easily able to work through these obstacles.
2. Emotinail Needs Aren’t being Met.
His anger is his inability to be able to communicate and express his feelings, just like a child.
A child cries because it has something that it wants and cannot have. In an intimate relationship we require two things:
- An emotional connection
- A sexual release (reaching a climax)
“Sex isn’t all about feeling good and having that sexual release. It can make us more connected to our partner. Sex reassures us that we are loved and cared for”.
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When a man has been pushed away and deprived not only of sex but also of a proper emotional connection, he can feel like something terrible has erupted in his relationship with you. Therefore he doesn’t know what to do about it and shows it through his anger.
3. It’s about how you tell him that you’re not in the mood for sex?
You have a man in your life who has a need. There is no problem in telling him why you can’t have sex in a calm and understanding way. But it is a huge mistake denying him a need for intimacy.
You may not know or understand how you are addressing your boyfriend on not being in the mood. But the wrong approach could totally break him.
Don’t tell him that you’re not in the mood like this:
- Turning your back on him on the bed when he wants to get intimate.
- Constantly saying “No” to him and walking away.
- Denying his kiss by pushing him away and working on your other tasks.
Rejection is a really big turn-off for a guy and it can shatter his ego and leave him in hate and anger.
“It’s not just a big problem where you dont give him sex but aswell as not making up for it in other intimate ways”.
Many men don’t have control over their feelings and anger. One reason is that men were never motivated as children to share their feelings and pain, therefore some of them may act in immature ways.
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What To Do When Im Not In The Mood With My Boyfriend?
Before we get into this very juicy part, I recommend you not to miss anything I wrote above, on why your boyfriend may getting mad when you’re not in the mood.
In a relationship, you want to make sure there is never a doubt of one another’s love and affection. Below I will mention how even with a low sex drive you can keep him happy and satisfied.
1) He should respect you as a person
Your natural sex drive isn’t something you should be ashamed of in a relationship. And It definitely shouldn’t be a problem for your boyfriend.
Sure he may get upset or mad at times. But there is a difference between mad and upset compared to being borderline judgemental and hurtful. When all the talking is done and he still seems to neglect you, then he’s definitely got some problems
You aren’t his sex slave, you aren’t his slave. You are a real person. If all he wants to do is have sex tell him to take care of his situation by himself at this moment
“Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and you shouldn’t feel guilty about not doing it”
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in the relationship for 2months or 2 years he needs to respect you when you say you “can’t do something” for whatever reason.
Verdict: If he’s emotionally manipulating you, for example, if he makes you feel bad about not having enough sex. Dump him good! That shows that he is an immature and manipulative person.
2) Communication, Communication
It is the magic potion of relationships, it’s the one thing that can keep a relationship healthy and alive. Communication in this situation is really important and you should approach it properly, by putting yourself in his shoes and having a ton of empathy and understanding for him.
- Explain to him why you can’t have sex as much. And work towards understanding why he wants sex.
- Communicate to him why he wants sex? Is it for mostly emotional connection and feeling loved? or just for a sexual release?
Once you understand why he wants to get intimate with you, you can work towards ways in which you can make up for him for your lack of sex drive.
Communication is stressful when it comes to these things. And the wrong words can trigger bigger problems. That’s why I always recommend people to expand their knowledge on communicating with their spouse. Here is a simple-to-follow course on communicating effectively in your relationship.
Avoid communicating with him when he’s angry
If your boyfriend is upset or angry at the moment and time “say nothing”. If you were to approach him and say something to him in the heat of the moment, you’re just going to piss him off more. Say nothing and he’ll cool off by himself.
Some men tend to get angry quickly, but they tend to forget about it as quickly as well. So let him go do his thing if it’s either sports or going for a drink with his bros. Lets him cool off then have the talk with him.
3) Give him more Emotional Love
As I mentioned above sex isn’t about just feeling good and having an orgasm, it’s about love and feeling connected to our partner.
Give him Kisses, hugs, compliments, and reassurance every day that you love him. You have no idea how happy a simple compliment can make him.
Guys don’t get as many compliments as girls do. So when we get a compliment we treasure it for our whole life. I once remember an elderly woman, I was helping cross the street a few years back. She said “What a nice gentlemen and good person I was” Since 5 years ago I still remember that compliment.
4) Make up ways for lack of sex
Having a lack of sex drive isn’t your fault. But there are ways you can practice to keep your man satisfied and happy without having sexual intercourse.
So, When he’s getting sensual and you’re not up to have sex. Try to take control of the situation and satisfy your man by having oral sex. Get on top, kiss his neck and satisfy him to the point where he’s going to forget about having sex with you throughout the whole day.
The sexual energy and desire a man has compared to women are much stronger. So when a man is denied sex and intimacy it can drive him crazier, than if this situation would have happened to women.
Denying a man sex and intimacy is very dangerous. When men are in the mood it is very hard for them to control their urges. They would have to go through their day hungry and starving.
Summary of what to do when you’re not in the mood to have sex.
- If you’re not in the mood, dont just dismiss him and walk away.
- Communicate and tell him why you cant have sex as much.
- If you’re not in the mood for sexual intercourse try to pleasure your man in other ways.
- Give him assurance on your love for him, make sure that he understands that you love him.
- If he makes you feel bad when you’re not having enough sex. Dump him!
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