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It seems like you’ve got yourself in a little rut. You might want to take it back or you wont, but what has happned has happened. Tag along, as Ill clear your mind on if you should tell your boyfriend you cheated or not. As well, as getting a deeper understanding of what to do and where to go after this.
Being caught cheating is so nerve-racking and unpleasant. If you have cheated on your boyfriend, should you tell him that you cheated on him or not?
If you did cheat on your boyfriend you should Not tell him you cheated on him. You should take in mind your boyfriend’s feelings as well. By wanting to get that off your chest, you are simply doing that to get rid of any guilt you are carrying around. By telling him you cheated you would be hurting him in order to selfishly feel better.
However there are a few instances in where you should tell him you cheated, Continue on reading so you can become enlightened on situations that call for you to not tell him you cheated, and situations which you should tell him you cheated.
Understand Why You Cheated On Him?
As human beings, we are naturally in tune with our basic needs and nature. Our sexual needs and the need to feel emotionally connected can sometimes overshadow our sense of virtue and ethics. These urges to gain quick pleasure, can lead us towards acting towards our better judgment and cheat.
Below I will mention four reasons towards why we cheat.
Some Of The Reasons To Why We Cheat
- Resentment towards your partner
- Lacking self-confidence and getting attention from another person (To feel desired again)
- Unmet sexual needs
- Falling out of love.
Cheating on your significant other can leave you drowning in guilt. The powerful feeling of guilt can drift our views away from realizing what actually is missing in the relationship, and why you actually cheated on your boyfriend.
The first and most important step in fixing this problem or pattern is to understand why you cheated.
To get your answer, you first have to look and search within yourself. Shed some light on your feelings, try to actually get to know yourself, what drove you to do this?
Ask yourself these question, before telling him anything.
- Do you want to work through this?
- Have you cheated before?
- Is it in your character?
- Why did you cheat?
- How did you feel after you cheated?
- How do you actually feel about your boyfriend?
- What and where is your current relationship going?
Understanding how you feel and why you cheated is the most important thing that you can do in order to plan ahead on what is next between you and your boyfriend.
Read down below to learn the only 2 reasons that comply with confessing that you cheated.
The Only 2 Times That You Should Tell Him You Cheated.
1) You love him, but you’ve been going through a rough patch.
You just cheated, but deep down you really love your boyfriend and you really want to see a future with him. When you contemplate the reason that you cheated you realize that it was due to some rough patches and dissatisfaction in your current relationship.
To fight for the relationship you must communicate to your boyfriend and you must confess to him that you cheated and why you cheated. Tell him that it was a one-time thing, but explain to him how much he means to you and address the current problems in your relationship so you can work towards a healthier and stronger relationship.
What could happen?
Revealing your infidelity to your partner could either save or end your relationship.
From my view as a boyfriend and from various other friends that I’ve asked about getting cheated on hypothetically. We all came to agree that:
If she came to me right away and showed remorse and pleaded for her actions, then most likely Yes I would consider forgiving her. Although I would feel angry and upset we can work towards saving the relationship. However, you would need to give me some time to come to terms with the situation, and trusting her in the future would be much harder.
But however, if she came to me and said that she cheated on me a couple of times and that it was a constant Choice to cheat on me multiple times is something that would be a No. I would call it quits in the relationship with her, because how can I trust someone that once upon a time deceived me and showed such a lack of respect to me in a relationship.
2) You are planning to break up and leave
Cheating can be a realization for many in relationships that something is missing and isn’t right in their relationship. I mean it would be impossible and foolish to cheat on someone if you felt that everything was smooth sailings in your relationship.
If you’ve cheated because you feel discontent and loss of love in your current relationship then it is better to say it to your partner as early as possible before continuing your affair
Confess to your partner that you cheated, it’s morally the right thing to do, don’t leave them in the dark forever on why you decided to break up. At first, they would break down inside, but then they would come to appreciate and live with the fact that you did something by coming clean and admitting why you broke up.
Best Way To Confess You Cheated And Keep Your Boyfriend
A betrayed person releases their pain and hurt by wanting to show you how badly you hurt them. It is vital to go into the conversation understanding and accepting how you should act and what you could expect from your boyfriend.
Firstly the most important thing going into such a discussion with your boyfriend is to remember that he has a right to be hurt and to be angry in that pain
Secondly, when you bring up a conversation like this, your boyfriend is going to feel really defensive and feel like he’s in jeopardy. Every inch of his body is going to try to push you away, trust and understanding are kicked right out the door. And honestly, how can he trust you. He will think that if you have cheated once, you could do it again.
Don’t have time apart. Talk about it
The feeling of jeopardy will cause your boyfriend to want an instant split and to move away from you if you’re living together. Try to compose yourself and him, and try to stay together and work through a compromise because separation is good for relief, but it neglects actually working through the problem.
So before confessing read down below for some great rules of thumb to follow when confessing to your boyfriend.
Rules To Follow When Confessing To Your Boyfriend that you Cheated
- Be in the right environment. Avoid crowded places or avoid saying it when there is an important event ahead for both of you.
- Take responsibility for your actions
- He doesn’t want excuses and justifications for your actions
- Show him how much you hurt him, and that you are really upset about hurting him
- Don’t say things like: “Oh I had one drink too many”
- Don’t respond in a manner such as: “Well if you were a better boyfriend this wouldn’t have happened”
Avoid any visual questions
Visual questions are considered any type of question where your boyfriend is going to ask in order to get a clearer and vivid image of what you did. Visual questions will make him feel much worse and you. Avoid these types of questions with him as much as possible. An example of visual questions look something like this:
- Did you kiss him?
- Did you go to his place?
And don’t try to defend yourself.
Remember your boyfriend is hurting, at the moment when you confess he’s going to want you to understand how badly you hurt him and he just wants to be understood. Some of the things that he might say are going to direct attacks towards you. And in that moment or day, you just have to allow him to empty himself (Excluding any physical violence)
He may attack you with such words:
- You’re a slut
- I didn’t think you’re who you are
- You broke my heart and I hate you
Just Listen, even though however piercing these words may be to you. Don’t defend yourself or try to justify yourself. Your responsibility during this time is to just say yes and apologize.
But of course, there should be a limit to how much he should throw on you. Don’t let him bombard you day in day out. If he does get out of there and leave him.
Show him that he can trust you again.
Set up any boundaries and criteria such as flipping your phone over whenever he wants to see it, and turning on your phone’s GPS so at any time he’s not with you he can see where you’re going. This assures him that you’re willing to change.
You might think that you don’t want to be controlled like that and to feel like a prisoner. In truth, you’re not giving up control over yourself forever. Being vulnerable and transparent for just a few months allows your boyfriend to start building up trust with you again.
Final Thoughts
Being cheated on could be one of the worst possible things that could happen to someone. A person who has been cheated on could take years to recover from it. And it may cause them to lose their self-esteem. Besides losing a part of themselves in the relationship.
Cheated on individuals could find it hard to catch feelings or even to enter into a relationship. They would see themselves finding it nearly impossible to trust anyone else
Besides cheating affecting the cheated on. The cheater can develop severe feelings of guilt on their actions because well it can feel unsettling when they feel that they have betrayed a person that they have shared a very intense intimate relationship with.
The take away in this article is that:
1. If you 100% feel that when you cheated it was just a one-time thing, and that you still love your boyfriend then it is better not to tell him you cheated. That is because if you’re sure of yourself that you won’t cheat and that you truly love your boyfriend.
2. Only confess that you cheated on two occasions:
- If you plan on breaking up and leaving
- You love him but you’ve been going through a very rough patch in the relationship
3. When you’re planning to confess that you’ve cheated, you have to make sure that you’re in the right mindset and right environment to do it with your partner. Avoid any excuses or validations on what you did. Just accept that you did it and it was wrong.
4. If you want to gain the trust of your boyfriend back again you must be willing to let go of your freedom a bit. Let yourself be vulnerable and transparent, that’s how you build back your trust with him.
Hey guys! my name is Farid Babajan and I’m the co-founder of relationshipwhatsup.com. Around 5 years ago I came out of a relationship which I wasn’t too happy about. Afterward, I decided to start kicking ass in life and in relationships. Getting to understand people around me better as well as myself. This has allowed me to share with you all my knowledge on Love, Romance as well as complications and problems in relationships.