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I’m glad you are here! Because there is nothing worse than getting ignored or getting excluded from plans with your friends. And I’m here to give you the help you need to understand and deal with your friends who are ignoring you.
Here are the 8 reasons why your best friend is ignoring you.
- You are just Assuming the worst
- Growing apart from each other
- You hurt their feelings
- Constantly complaining when you are with them.
- You are too self-centered
- You don’t take anything too seriously
- Too intense.
- Your friend is using you
- You don’t contribute to anything
9 tips with 6 of them being possible causes of your own personality. Don’t worry though, I’m here to help you figure out why your friends have become distant and what you can do about it.
Why Is My Best Friend Ignoring Me? (Tips on what to do)
1) You are Assuming the Worst
“Are my friends ignoring me?” “Are my friends tired of me?” “They were worthless friends I hate them” – Are your beliefs about the situation look something like this?
If you are constantly playing scenarios in your head on what’s wrong in comparison to what’s actually wrong then you are assuming the worst.
“Don’t build up stories and hold grudges when someone behaves the wrong way toward you.”
When your friend ignores you, you have to approach it with the most generous assumption. Because maybe they are really busy when they ignore you or maybe there was an unexpected emergency that happened to them.
How to know if you are assuming the worst?
Imagining the worst-case scenario shouldn’t be your solution to knowing what to do about your friend’s absence.
The best thing to do is to put yourself in the right frame of mind. Such as not believing that they are ignoring you because something went wrong or that they hate you.
Assume the most logical reason on why they are ignoring you. For example, assume that they are super busy at work. They are probably going through a depression, and something bad happened in their family.
Secondly, the best way to approach the situation is to initiate contact with your friend. The best way to reach out is to send them a text message asking them to call you whenever they are free.
Example on what to say when your friend has been ignoring you
“Hey jack how are you, I’ve been trying to talk to you for the past couple of days, I understand that you are probably really busy these days and if there is anything you need from me, I’m here for you.
2) You Have Grown Apart
Growing apart sucks! I’m still contemplating the friends I used to have when I was 10 and 15. It’s not something which you won’t like, and neither does anyone else. But friends just grow apart.
After doing some research I found out exactly why friends grow apart.
Huge social transformations happen. When we grow up things change such as, you relocate further apart, entering into a relationship, and spend more time with your spouse. Or the friend might not feel as if they relate to you as much as they used to. So they will start gravitating toward others who share their professional aspirations.Dr.Kim Chronister
How to deal with losing friends as you grow apart from each other?
When you grow personally it’s going to have a ripple effect on other aspects of your life. Such as the difference in the directions you both have taken in life professionally and socially.
And that’s ok, society doesn’t normalize ending friendships without something big happening such as a fight happening. It’s totally ok to move on if this is the case.
You don’t need to put yourself in the situation to hang out with this friend just because it feels more than a habit rather than a true friendship.
3) You Hurt Their Feelings
If you’ve hit your late teen years then you have probably realized how much pickier you have become regarding your friendships.
And it should be. There shouldn’t be any room for fake friends. I like that mentality. But some people take it too overboard.
The reason why your friends may be ignoring you is probably that you did something that hurt their feelings.
What to do when you hurt your friend’s feelings
If you feel that you had done something or said something to hurt your friend’s feelings, the best thing to do is to reach out to them and try to solve your problems by sharing your individual perspectives on what had occurred.
If they are your friend and you care for them, reach out to them and try to resolve it. Leave your pride out of it and don’t concern yourself about looking weak just because you are trying to get to the bottom of why your friend’s feelings were hurt.
4) You are Constantly Complaining
I once had a friend who was a nice dude. But his constant complaints about how life was so hard and how things suck, just pulled me away from him.
If you are the type of person who is super pessimistic then it could turn some people off. I say some people because just like me, I was very sensitive about my circle and what I allowed to enter my ears and mind.
5) You are Too Self Centered
Are you all me, me, me? Great stories and a positive attitude toward yourself are great! But too much of it can be a massive turn-off for people.
So if you are the type of person who only talks about himself without letting anybody share, then that is a possible reason why your friends have started to keep their distance from you.
6) You Don’t Take Anything Too Seriously
Are you the type of person who is either constantly late, makes bad promises, or cancels plans entirely? If you are, then people are going to lose respect for you and are going to start realizing that no one and nothing is a priority to you.
Friends and people who respect themselves and their time are going to give you just a few chances before they start cutting you out of their lives.
“When you are known to take nothing seriously then no one will take you seriously”
What to do when you don’t take things too seriously
It may seem as if your friends are taking it very lightly but some friends are going to come and tell you about your bad habits and personality. They are just going to shrug you off their schedule bit by bit.
So the best thing to do in this situation is to realize what and where your mistakes are. Contemplate how many promises you have broken and how many plans you’ve backed out of.
Seeing the problems within yourself as well as the negative effects it has on people is the major step in fixing this problem.
Once you’ve caught onto your poor habit, the next step is to regain people’s trust and to show yourself in a much more positive manner to people.
For example, if you’re set to meet your friend at 20:00 P.M set yourself to arrive 30 minutes earlier.
“Be punctual and live up to every word you say”
7) You are Too Intense
Are you always turning the simplest of games or conversations into heavy debates and moments of stress?
Personal Story: We used to get together with our friends on the weekend and play a game of poker. Although it was competitive there was this guy that used to turn everything into intense arguments all the time. He used to blame people and start ranting about how some players weren’t playing by the ‘rules’. After some time we decided not to invite him because he was making everyone uncomfortable.
Moral of the story. If you are constantly turning everything from fun to intense or political then your friends are going to grow tired of you.
How to deal with your intense personality?
An intense personality comes from your inability to control your emotions. Once you learn to control your emotions you will see that you don’t get nearly as upset from things that used to upset you, and you’ll also see that you are able to recover much faster from things that upset you.
Here are a couple of tips on how to deal with your emotional personality.
Try to be neutral, and accept yourself and your emotions but understand that you can choose what you want to do with those emotions rather than letting your emotions control you.
“Neurologists claim that every time you resist acting on your anger, you’re actually rewiring your brain to be calmer and more loving.“
Related Post: 9 Reasons Why a Girl Would Remove Her Profile Picture?
8) They are Using You
I have seen it many times, but I was lucky enough to avoid these types of people. These people are going to be fun to hang out with. You’ve probably grown up with them and have gone to a couple of parties with them as well.
But their underlying character and the way they treat you the majority of the time can show you what friends they really are to you.
What type of friend are they?
- You are always there to help them. But they are never there for you when you need them
- Are you her/his emotional support for everything that happens
- They will call to hang out with you only if they don’t have something more fun to do
- They tell you they are busy. But then you see they posted a video on Instagram hanging out with their friends at the pool.
If you ticked off these points, it means that your friend doesn’t see you as a priority. And that they only hang out with you either because they don’t have anyone else to go out with or they just want to dump their emotional troubles onto you.
What to do when your friends are using you?
Coming to the realization of what type of friends you have, can be the best thing you can do. It takes some people years of heartbreak and anxiety to find out that their problems are all due to their toxic friends.
The next step is to slowly become distant from them. I’m not saying that you should suddenly go cold. But you should try to limit your contact and move on from them.
Because if they are not going to respect you and your feelings then why should they deserve a spot in your life
Related Post: 6 Warning Signs That You Are In a Bad Relationship
9) You Don’t Contribute To Anything
Are you always taking and not giving? Even the whole unconditional love thing has its limits. Sure they are your friends and friends love helping out.
But, if they are always helping you, inviting you, or lending you cash without any reciprocity from your side then it can make them question your loyalty and true intentions as a friend.
Friendships are supposed to be 100% effort from them and 100% effort from you. It’s fine to not contribute to anything just because you might have your hands tied sometimes.
But you should have them in your mind. Be there for your friends more and try to establish that you appreciate their kindness in some kind of way.
Why Is Your Best Guy Friend Ignoring You?
Did you guys get into a big fight? Was there a big argument about something? If nothing like that happened then there are a couple of reasons why he is ignoring you.
- He’s in love with you.
- He’s dating a girl.
1) He’s In Love With You
He likes you in a romantic sense. But you haven’t responded to his feeling in a kind way.
Let me explain to you something about opposite-sex friendships
The TV series “The Office” and “Friends” are great representatives of same-sex friendships. In The Office, we very well learn in many instances that (just friends) doesn’t work. However, in the TV show Friends, we can see that friendships with the opposite sex can sometimes work.
There was always this fascination on how exactly opposite-sex friendships really work?
I can understand that when a woman wants to be friends, it mostly means “let’s actually be friends”. But in the case of men, I could never see how a man can have female friends.
As a man, I can vouch that 99% of men are friends with women because they are hoping for things to become more serious.
Let me share with you a quote said by Steve Harvey:
“Your guy friend is going to say he’s your friend, but the truth is that he’s your friend only because you have made it absolutely clear that nothing else is happening except this friendship. Guys will only be your friend in hopes that someday there is a crack in the door, chink in the armor, and trust and believe that guy you believe is just your buddy will slide into that crack when he has that oppurtunity“
What to do when your guy friend is in love with you?
- Be honest
- Have a heart-to-heart conversation with him
- Set the boundaries and apologize if you ever lead him on
- Don’t lead him any further
- Don’t feel guilty. You do not owe him anything
- It’s ok to have some space for a while
- Try to understand him and try to make him comfortable about the situation as he went through rejection and you did not.
2) He’s Dating a Girl.
When guys become serious with a girl romantically they will make it only about that one girl.
I call opposite-sex friendships a ticking time bomb. Meaning that they have a set expiration for things to end.
You see, this guy is just your friend. And if there is no possible chance to make things more serious with you then he’s going to jump at the opportunity to create something with another girl.
This doesn’t mean he was using you.
Falling in love just takes a guy away from everything else in the world.
What to do when he’s dating another girl?
It is typically the first one or two months when things are going to seem a bit distant. But expect him to reach back to you.
If you were really close and if he’s a nice guy then he’s going to apologize but here’s the hard truth that you may have to expect.
When he gets romantically involved with another girl, what ends up happening is that the friendship could start to diminish over time. Mainly because of two reasons
- The time he spent with you is now going all towards his new girlfriend
- His girlfriend probably sees you as a threat to their relationship so she asks him to put distance between you and him.
Being ignored is amongst the top 1% of things that can make anyone mad. Therefore the first thing that you must get through your head is that you shouldn’t set any high expectations for any of your friends.
Here is the step-by-step summary of what to do when your friends ignore you
1. Expect the worst. Don’t live with too many expectations
Our closest friends can sometimes feel closer to us than our families. Endless memories along the way make them an inseparable part of the life
But, don’t invest all your trust and energy into them. Don’t become depressed or anxious if one day they betray you or when they just get up and leave without saying a word.
Because in my time at University, I have witnessed and experienced how our closest friends can suddenly change, and betray us.
High expectations are great, yet they frequently leave us feeling let down. Very-low expectations don’t make us feel fulfilled. Realistic expectations of friends are much preferable. Then we may appreciate our friends’ company more and tolerate their shortcomings.
2. Analyze your own behaviors and attitudes
Sometimes it’s not them. Sometimes it can be your own behaviors and attitudes which has led your friends to ignore you.
When people reach a certain age they become pickier as also backed by science. Meaning that friends become selective on what type of people they want to have around. Are they bringing more positivity or negativity into their lives?
Look within yourself and ask yourself or some of your friends about their assessments of you.
- Are you the type of person who always complains?
- Do you always just talk about yourself and never pay attention to what your friends say?
- Are you always intense and emotional when you talk about certain topics with your friends?
- You don’t contribute to anything.
If any of these apply to you then it’s most likely that your friends are ignoring you because of these reasons.
3. Understand what drove them away.
Don’t let out your overthinking patterns in these situations. Always have in mind the most generous assumption. There might be no issues in your friendship and it may just be that they are actually going through some challenges in life.
Remember it’s your right to seek out answers. It doesn’t matter if they got tired of you or if they are super busy.
Therefore send them a quick and simple message on Whatsapp asking them to make a schedule to talk to you on the phone or through text. I mean they must owe you that much.
But if they still persist to draw back and ignore you, then you have your answer, that they aren’t much of a friend as you thought they were.