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It could feel tremendously hard when the sexual chemistry your boyfriend had with you suddenly or slowly fades away. After some research and talking with friends that have gone through similar experiences. I discovered 8 reasons to why your boyfriend isn’t sexually interested in you anymore.
So What are the 8 Reasons why your boyfriend isn’t interested in you sexually anymore?
- His Work-life Could be Overwhelming.
- Biological problems.
- Too much Self-pleasure.
- Erotic Videos.
- Performance anxiety.
- Cheating on you.
- No Natural Space.
- Standard you had before being in a relationship.
Continue reading to uncover more on what leads a man to lose sexual desire and helpful tips on how to reintroducing back a strong sexual desire into the relationship.
1) His Work-life Could be Overwhelming.
The signs that your man might be in a potential affair lead to signs such as:
- Lack of Availability
- Lack of Passion
- Lack of Affection
- Lack of Sex
You might be getting suspicious. You realize your boyfriend is always tired and isn’t making time for you and he’s on his laptop or phone late at nights.
You might think he’s probably out there fooling around with another woman but, a man’s occupation can have the same effect of consuming his time and energy, which could leave him drained of affection and sexual enthusiasm in the household.
Now let’s take a deeper dive into a man’s work and the areas that could contribute to his lack of sexual interest in you.
Workaholism is a person who works compulsively. It is a negative behavioral pattern that drives people to work compulsively in excessive amounts of time at the cost of their sleep, social gatherings, and meeting up with friends.
This personality trait is highly linked to Perfectionism and Neuroticism. Perfectionism is the constant strive to be the best and the most flawless. Neuroticism is linked to worry, fear, frustration, jealousy, guilt, and loneliness
Being in a working environment, especially around employees or supervisors that display signs of constant striving for success and displaying crazy work ethic, can have transferrable effects on your man. And so the money and ego boost from being regularly praised, or promoted, can be a big turn-on.
Tip On If Your Boyfriend is Workaholic? Talk to your man about your issues. Be empathetic and tell him that there is a responsibility outside of work aswell, i.e., You. Explain to home to keep his work and life balance.
Also linked to the previous point, technology has presented many obstacles in the relationship spectrum. Of course, it doesn’t make it any easier when you have 24/7 access to your work. Notifications, emails, and business calls have a massive interruption on your life and time at home.
Tips On, if Your Man Is On The Phone Constantly? Again tell your man to set up boundaries. There should be a time where the phone should be completely turned off in the household. He should leave his phone either on airplane mode or on silent.
There is work, and then there is life. He should prioritize them effectively.
3. Lack of Sleep
Working after hours to reach that deadline for a work project could leave your partner lacking satisfaction in more than one way.
It has been shown that men’s sexual energy and sexual desire are lowered by around 15% due to the lack of sleeping hours. (Research)
Tip On, If Your Man Isn’t Getting Enough Sleep? Seven to nine hours of sleep per night is enough to optimize your hormone levels. And if your man can’t get those hours in during the workweek, try to help him catch up on that sleep during the weekends.
4. Excessive Coffee Consumption
Some of us can get carried away with drinking too much coffee, especially when it is so addicting and reviving. But research has shown that men who drink more than 3 cups of coffee per day experienced a 40% increase in the possibility of Erectile Dysfunction
Tip On, If Your Man Drinks Too Much Coffee? They should not overdo drinking coffee. Research suggests that drinking more than five cups of coffee a day raises your risk of clogged arteries and stress, which can depress your ability to get erect and have sex.
2) Biological problems.
Your man could be genuinely interested in having sex with you, but certain biological causes may be hindering him from getting physically aroused.
Testosterone plays an important role in a man’s health. Its most meaningful role is to fuel sex drive and performance. Some men don’t have any problems with their testosterone, but due to internal or even external problems, a man’s testosterone could be seen to plummet.
Let’s take a closer look at some biological reasons which drop a man’s sex drive:
With age, men’s testosterone tends to decrease. At the age of 30 and onwards, it has been shown that testosterone tends to decrease by 1%.
Erectile dysfunction becomes more evident, which causes the penis to take longer to become erect, and erections may not be as strong. It may take more time to achieve and sustain sexual arousal.
2. Chronic Factors
Chronic factors are conditions that last over a year and require ongoing medication. Examples of Chronic diseases are:
- High blood pressure can affect blood circulation cause erectile dysfunction
- Diabetes, High blood sugar levels can cause erectile dysfunction
3. Emotional factors include:
- Anxiety, depression, fatigue, poor self-esteem
- Relationship problems, including lack of trust, conflict, and poor communication.
Check out Medicalnewstoday for more on Low libido and Treatments.
3) Too much Self-pleasure.
Masturbation has become a very taboo subject in our society. It has been seen by many as vulgar and disturbing.
Masturbation is the act of touching or rubbing your own sexual organs for sexual pleasure or to achieve climax (Orgasms). The benefits of having an orgasm allow you to relax, reduces anxiety and blood pressure, improves sleep, and can decrease prostate problems
The argument is not that masturbation is bad for you instead that excess masturbation can be bad for you.
“Almost anything good in excess can be bad for you.”
Excess masturbation can cause a loss of muscle, depression, mood, and, most problematically, erectile dysfunction.
So if you see that your man has not been performing as well in bed, lost interest in having sex with you, and has been showing the symptoms such as depression, erectile dysfunction, and moodiness, this could be a sign that he’s partaking in too much masturbation.
Reasons why he’s masturbating?
Masturbation and sex may satisfy the result of an orgasm, but they both generally fulfill different purposes. Masturbation is more of an easily accessible hit of pleasure or an easy way to blow off steam, whereas Sex involves more excitement, connection, and desire.
As much as we all love coupling up and having actual sexual experiences, many people’s sexual desires and moods change, which could get caught up in stress and uncertainty. That means we may not always be in the mood for partnered sex.
Tips On, If Your Boyfriend Masturbates Too Much
1. Approach with an Open Mindset
A relationship that can survive through the worst is done through communication and compromise.
If your intuition tells you that something feels off, approach your man openly about this topic. It could be an embarrassing and uncomfortable conversation to have, and it could lead your spouse to go on the defensive.
So approach the conversation in the most open and relaxed way possible. Talking about masturbation, like anything in a relationship, could be a great way to understand your partner on a deeper level. Why are they doing it? Is it stress? Pleasure?
2. Incorporating Fun
If your partner is frequently masturbating, it could become challenging to disengage him from that activity completely. So the best you can do is incorporate mutual masturbation.
Mutual masturbation is, masturbating with your partner next to each other. This can definitely spice up things between you and him and creates a relaxed sexual environment without secrecy and lying.
4) Erotic Videos.
Pornography is heavily linked to Self pleasure and masturbation. But masturbation and pornography add up to create a greater problem towards his loss of sexual interest in you.
Consuming pornography can alter the human brain. It can lead to intense addiction as strong as cocaine. The biggest problem with porn is its simplicity in accessing it. It can literally be accessed with a finger touch away.
Porn effects range from brain fog and social anxiety to depression and negative body image.
Some concerning Statistics on Pornagraphy:
- 70% of men aged 18-24 visit porn sites in a typical month
- 40% of “sex addicts” lose their spouses
- 56% of divorce cases involved one person having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites
- 58% suffer considerable financial losses
5 Signs He’s Watching Porn
1. Your Sex life is Different.
When men watch porn, they watch more intense things. Their arousal template will increase. This arousal can translate into the bedroom, and they might want to try newer things, and sometimes it can cross the line where you feel uncomfortable.
Do not confuse! Trying new things in the bedroom is always good but watch out to which extent he is taking it. Is it making you uncomfortable? Is it something sexually unexpected from him?
2. Less Connected and Authentic
When someone watches porn excessively it could create a mental barrier between you and him. You feel like you can’t connect to him as well as before.
Have in Mind! That if he seems like this, it does not necessarily mean he’s watching porn. It could also mean he’s going through something internally
3. He’s more judgmental
When men are exposed to porn, it creates a false reality of women’s looks and how sex is portrayed. If they are extremely watching porn, this can lead negatively to you, and they become more critical and judgmental of you and how you look.
4. Spending a lot of time on the computer
This does not mean he’s on his phone or laptop during the day. Pay attention to his secrecy in using his computer or mobile.
- Does he get up in the middle of the night to use his laptop?
- Is he going to an empty room of the house to use his phone or laptop secretly?
- Is he extra cautious about you not checking his phone or laptop?
5) Performance Anxiety.
Performance anxiety is exactly like it sounds. He is anxious to perform in the bedroom. Performance anxiety is a common theme within men and women but mostly more in men. Your guy could feel like he can’t satisfy you at all in the bedroom. It can reach the stage where he would not bother trying at all.
Performance anxiety isn’t just the stress and anxiety which come due to performing well in the bedroom. What leads a man to develop anxiety about his performance in the bedroom comes down to some points,
Reasons that lead to Performance Anxiety
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Fear of not being able to fully satisfy your partner sexually.
- Concerns of ejaculating too early or taking too long to reach orgasm
- Anxiety that he won’t reach orgasm or won’t enjoy the sex.
- Self-conscious of his body, including concern over his weight
Around 50% of men in their 50s and 60s experience Erectile Dysfunction, which is a cause of performance anxiety.
Most of the time, men below 30 don’t experience erectile dysfunction or any physical issues. These are the guys who are most likely feeling the effects of sexual performance anxiety.
Tips On What He Can Do About Performance Anxiety?
Many men feel like Sex is a test, and they tend to get caught up in the end result “Did they satisfy their partner”?
Many men crumble because sex can feel like a test of their manhood, and when they can’t satisfy you properly, they tend to become avoidant of having sex.
Sex is supposed to be relaxed, spontaneous, and fun. When anxiety and arousal set in, your heart rate increases rapidly, which causes less blood to flow to the penis.
So as your man’s sex partner try to warm him up to sex either through massaging or some foreplay.
“Sometimes you’ve got to Walk before you Run”
6) Cheating on you.
Definitely the worse one, and I wouldn’t want to wish it upon anyone. It could come to be a sign of why he isn’t sexually interested in you anymore. Read on to find out how you can tell he’s cheating
As we can see from the graph below, men do cheat more. The biggest difference in these results would be that men tend to cheat more as they age more. Women, on the other hand, cheat less as they age. Thanks to IFstudies.com
Why would he Cheat?
1. He’s not being satisfied Sexually
At the end of the day, we are very sexual beings—especially men, who are biologically more sexually active. If your man is not meeting his sexual pleasure in the bedroom, that might go against his better judgment and lead him to meet other sexual partners to meet his sexual needs.
2. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
It might be surprising, but men want to feel just as emotionally connected to someone as women. And when he feels there’s no connection, he will resort to other people for validation and emotional intimacy.
3 Signs that he might be Cheating
1. Intuition, Intuition
Ladies, stick to your gut! If you’ve had suspicions and think he is cheating, then he most likely is cheating on you.
But.. Intuition and Paranoia should not be confused with each other. Paranoia is when you think he’s cheating because a certain situation happens between you two.
For example, if there’s suddenly an argument or things are a bit shaky, then that’s insecurity and trust issues
Intuition is that it doesn’t matter if you two are good, bad up or down. If you feel he’s cheating then that’s intuition and you should listen to it.
2. Change in Routine and Behaviour
Do you see sudden changes in the way he tries to hang out or connect to you? Is he suddenly bringing up a lot of excuses?
For Example… If you two have been talking on the phone or texting day in day out for a couple of months, then out of nowhere, he brings up excuses for not being able to call or text. And one day turns to 2 days and 2 days turns to 1 week. Then you could bet something fishy is going on.
3. Change in Sex Behaviour
If either a sudden lack in sexual interaction decreases or if his sex suddenly improves. Then that could be some good signs he could be cheating.
7) No Natural Space
This reason is linked to your changes in the relationship, which may have contributed to his lack of sexual interest in you.
Natural Space refers to the time and space you and your boyfriend spend apart from each other. You may be in love and enjoy spending every hour and day with him. Only do you know that constant exposure and time spent with each other just kills off desire bit by bit.
The Beginning of the Relationship vs Now
If you look back, you may notice that you had been doing a lot of things that created some space between you and your boyfriend. Such as:
- Where you spending time with your friends?
- Did you have hobbies?
- Did you used to attend seminars?
Now since the relationship has settled in, what has changed? You and your boyfriend have become too comfortable around each other you are either always around your boyfriend’s place, either laying in his bed all day or hanging out with him non stop
He is likely to feel more distant and lose sexual and emotional desire towards you because there is no natural space for him to miss you.
“Men can take you for Granted if they are seeing you all day all night.”
8) Standards You Had Before Being in a Relationship
Another reason that certain changes from your side affected his loss of sexual attraction towards you.
Taking a look once again at how you were before the sex was good and before you got all settled into the relationship.
So what were your standards before you settled into the relationship? What were you doing in your life?
- Did you have certain standards for your health that you were living up to?
- Did you have a certain standard for spending time with your family?
- What were your financial standards? In saving up and investing your own money?
What standards did you let drop because you got too comfortable in your life?
Raising yourself back to those standards can really inspire a man to see your value because you appreciate your own value. A man will get that energy that you’re putting out and appreciate you more.
It has become a common trend in relationships in which a partner has lost sexual attraction towards them, you seem to be caught off guard and questioning what just happened?
Sexual Attraction in Short Term Relationships
Sometimes when we are dating or even when we are in the beginning of a relationship we tend to sometimes build a false hope of attraction and chemistry with someone. The relationship really needs to be evaluated. The relationship may not be right for you and you keep pushing it forward for some sort of reason.
Because if you force a relationship, then what you would have in the future will lead to a more separation emotionally and physically with your partner.
Sexual Attraction in Long term Relationship
For the case of Longer-term relationships. It is more complicated because over time everything can change from our bodies, our lives and our interests change just like all those things our sense of attraction would change as well.
Take a step back and evaluate what has really changed. What has changed within you and your partner.
As humans, we are blessed with Communication. Communicate, express your feelings and get down to the bottom of it. It would save you a lot of nervous and stressful energy rather than keeping it in and creating scenarios that might be or might not be true.