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Did you know that around 80% of the American population has experienced some sort of emotional abuse in a relationship? Being in a bad and unhealthy relationship can totally shatter a person. In this read, I will walk you through Identifying the signs that your partner may be a bad match for you in the relationship.
So what are some of the signs that you are in a Bad Relationship?
- Lack of Support
- Toxic Communication
- Feeling Worse When Your With Them
- Keeping a Score Of All Their Mistakes.
Don’t go anywhere yet! We are going to expand more on the 6 signs and how to deal with each one. As well as getting your answer to, “why it can be so difficult to leave a bad relationship”?
1) Lack Of Support
Being supportive, attending, and empathizing with your partner is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. For a relationship to strive, there must be emotional availability.
Having a sense that you can come home after a hard day and being able to reach out to your partner to wallow in his or her sympathy lets us know that we are not alone, and we are supported through our struggles as well as our successes.
Emotional Support: Men Vs. Woman?
When it comes to emotions, Men tend to lack less emotional sympathy than women. Men are less emotionally expressive. Most men tend to hold – in their emotions and try to resolve their emotions by themselves before telling their friends about all the gory stuff.
Women, on the other hand, require and desire a much greater deal of emotional support. Women see, sharing, and talking about their struggles as a means to connect and create deeper friendships.
Women’s emotions are much more volatile, just like the weather; one minute, it is sunny and clear, and the other, it is rainy and stormy.
Masculinity expert and author David Deida states that a real man’s courage is how well he deals with his partner’s needs
The Problem Most Men Face in Emotional Support?
So you walk in the house, and you want to wallow in his sympathy; you seek an open ear and attentive presence from him.
Instead, he turns his body to the other side and rolls his eyes as you seek to open up to him. A man who crumbles and fails to ride out the emotional feeling of a woman is drifting towards a very shaky relationship.
Solution for Emotionally Unavailable People?
For Men. Lacking Of Emotional Sympathy?
As men, we can often feel disorientated and overwhelmed with handling others’ emotions. We feel helpless and hope to find a solution to fix everything, and of course, if that doesn’t work, we search for the closest exit. We fail to realize that the best way is to sit, listen, and be present.
For Men. If She Lacks Emotional Support Towards You:
As men, we are less emotionally expressive, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do with a shoulder to lie on and talk about how our day went; in the end, we are only human if she’s not attentive to your day. The best solution would be to go and express to her that “I need you to listen to me for a few minutes, please.”
If she ignores your emotional support, then this begs the question; is this a relationship that will last in the long run? For how long can you go unexpressive and let those emotions build within you?
For Woman. Emotional dumping or emotional help?
It is known as emotional dumping. When you give someone your emotions, you’re emptying all that gooey and unpleasant stuff on someone else, and that can be energy-consuming for them. You should be able to take ownership of your feeling before talking to someone else. Try to get clear in your mind how you want them to help you.
For Woman. If he lacks emotional support towards you?
Being able to be emotionally understandable and available can take a long time to master. But being present and being able to be a listening ear for someone is not much to ask for. So is your partner emotionally unavailable?
If he’s not, then try approaching him about it and if he seems to still ignore you in the future, ask yourself how much further can you go on like this.
2) COMMUNICATION THAT KILLS RELATIONSHIPS
Did you know that 65% of divorces are due to ‘Communication problems’? This is followed by 43% by couples ‘inability to resolve issues. Credits to marciamediation
The Causes Of Communication Problems For Men In Marriages
- 70% of men complained that Blame nagging/complaining of their partners was the cause
- 65% of men complained about the lack of sufficient appreciation from their partners was the cause.
The Causes of Communication Problems For Women in Marriages:
- 83% of women complained due to the lack of validation for feelings and opinions from their partner.
- 56% of women complained because their husbands talked about themselves too much.
In relationships, we rely on communication to build rapport, solve problems, and find solutions to problems. Sometimes we speak in ways or say certain things that can cause stress or completely shatter someone.
As you can see from the picture below, the most basic words and sentences can feel off-putting. It might not seem much of a big deal but imagine if someone’s dialogue in talking with you is like this all the time. Wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable or even belittled?
Now to get to the ultimate Issues of communication in a relationship, let’s take a look at the 4 Biggest Parts of Toxic Communication
The 4 Toxic Communication Styles to Watch Out For
Of course, when you’re living with someone, there’s going to be issues arising, such as:
- Fighting over messes and chores
- Being irritated by each other’s quirks
- Lacking boundaries
So when you want to bring up the problem with the other person, we tend to sometimes tilt towards attacking the person’s personality. We use “You did this, you did that.” instead of using “I feel” language. This is known as criticism and blaming.
This is what a Criticism/Blaming looks like:
“Yesterday you left on the living room lights when you went to sleep. Are you this shallow and forgetful, you only think about yourself and no one else”.
This is what a Complaint looks like:
“Yesterday, you left on the living room lights.” “I don’t feel this is fair to both you and me, as we both work to make money for the electricity.” Please be more cautious in the future regarding this.”
Although both of them address the same thing, they both can have a different effect on how your partner will feel. One is an attack on them, and the other is simply understandable and fixable.
Stonewalling is when your partner tunes you out or cuts off communication with you. In a nutshell, it is when the other partner seems unreachable to the other. They seem impenetrable, cold just like a stonewall.
85% of people who Stonewall are Men.
First of all you must understand that you’re not the “fixer.” You must realize that you’re not the problem, and you shouldn’t be walking on eggshells in order to satisfy your partner. The only way a toxic person’s communication will change is through their own choice. Are they willing to change?
If they are unwilling to let you in, you should not jeopardize your own mental health for someone who is not willing to better themselves. Evaluate the relationship, and move on.
Defensiveness is usually defense in the face of criticism. When we feel unjustly attacked and defensive we usually try to make excuses and then place the blame on somebody else.
So in the face of criticism such as (“Yesterday you left on the living room lights when you went to sleep. Are you this shallow and forgetful, you only think about yourself and no one else”)
As a Defensive individual, you reply with:
“I’m so busy all day long, and you know I’m tired, so I’ll forget. You have more time than me, and you’re awake after me, so why don’t you do it?”
The above response doesn’t acknowledge how the other feels, and it doesn’t seek to find a solution to the problem. Defensiveness just further escalates the problem and further makes the other partner unheard and uncared for
The Correct Way to respond to this situation would look like this:
“You’re right. I left the lights on too many times now. But I’ve been so busy and stressed from work. I’ll try to do better next time.”
Contempt is the most dangerous and toxic form of communication. Contempt is a level higher than criticism and blaming. The agenda behind it is to make the other person feel completely worthless.
The actions of contempt are in treating others with disrespect, mocking them with sarcasm, ridiculing, calling them names, and mimicking or using body language such as eye-rolling or scoffing.
What To Do About Toxic Communicators?
Suppose you see signs like these just once; it doesn’t mean that you should run for the hills. But if you’re observing multiple warning signs or see a pattern build, then you should be wise in evaluating your situation. If you feel like you’re emotionally being put down and crippled, your sign is to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Find out here if it is ok for your girlfriend to text other guys, and what you can do about it.
Jealousy could be the ultimate killer of a relationship; you might think jealousy would just be snooping around your partner’s phone. But jealousy is much more controlling and can imprison someone in a relationship. It can create intense feelings of paranoia and drive away your partner.
Jealousy, at its core, is a byproduct of fear, fear of not being good enough, or fear of losing your partner.
The 3 Biggest Forms of Toxic Jealousy In a Relationship:
1. You Have To Make Sure Your Partner Is Happy
Does it feel like you’re walking on a field filled with mines? Does it feel like, anything you’re about to do could lead to an inevitable explosion from your partner?
Wherever you want to go, do you have to first think to yourself what your partner is feeling, or how it will affect them? And the worst part is that your partner will do whatever they please without considering how it will make you feel.
2) They are all me, me, me
During the first few stages of the relationship, it may seem cute that your partner always wants to see you and can’t keep away from you. But as the relationship progresses, you feel strangled and chained.
It’s like you can’t get any personal space for yourself or hang out with your own friends. It feels like your partner has to be in every situation with you. It seems like they don’t trust you to hang out with anyone because they believe you’ll do something you’re not supposed to do.
In a more serious case, this possessiveness and neediness may turn into pushy emotional and physical advances. They could hold the relationship hostage and threaten to break up or, even worse. It could steer to violence.
3) Apathetic towards your Success
You get home after either getting that promotion at work or reaching a personal goal, which you were so drawn and joyful towards. So you approach your partner to tell them and share with them how amazing your day went and get appreciation from the person you love. Instead, it seems like they always sulk away and treat your success as unimportant.
In a relationship, we want to grow together. We want someone that is there to celebrate our achievement and our blessings. not someone that feels threatened or competitive towards your growth
How to approach and fix a Jealous Relationship
- Approach them calmly and gently and discuss how this behavior they have makes you feel.
- Set Boundaries. Say that I will contact you once I reach the mall, house, party with my friends but I won’t answer any calls for 2-3 hours.
- After your conversation, they may feel vulnerable, so make sure you show them love and affection to reassure them that they are truly loved.
- Of course, there would still be further reassessments on how you can make things simpler for them. But if you feel like your not reaching a compromise, then consider moving on from the relationship.
4) YOU OFTEN FEEL WORSE WHEN YOU’RE WITH THEM
Energy vampires are a real thing, and when you find yourself with one in a relationship, it could be the most draining and exhausting thing in the world. Do you go to sleep hollow and wake up feeling even more down? Do you feel like you would need a whole week to recover from meeting them?
It can be hard when you’re devoting your energy to a relationship that isn’t meeting your needs. It can make you feel frustrated and emotionally drained.
Although every relationship has its ups and downs, constantly feeling stressed and physically exhausted every time you spend time with them is a bad sign that the relationship is negatively impacting your mental and physical health. And you should really consider where your position is with them.
The Biggest Factor That Sucks Our Energy In a Bad Relationship?
You feel like you can’t be yourself around them
This doesn’t just affect what you say to them, but also how you behave when you’re around them.
You try to hide your true feelings and are picky about subjects to talk about in order to avoid any drama and fights. Over time you see yourself become unsatisfied and resentful in suppressing who you are, so you can please them.
What can you do about a Bad Relationship?
You can offer solutions and try to fix the problems. But negative people are prone to resist your interventions or may even create a new crisis in their lives for you to and bring it upon you to “fix.”
It could eventually turn overwhelming to deal with this person’s energy, your lost on what to offer them, what you can say that’ll be the right thing. But in the end, you must try not to shrowd and let their problems completely put you down.
Your best strategy is to protect yourself by setting clear limits.
For example, if someone is naggy, needy, and insecure, try to resist offering solutions; instead, say something like. “I understand. I hope everything will be fine”. Be a friendly Ear but don’t occupy your head to come up with a solution.
Move on if you truly realize that you often feel worse every time you see them rather than feeling better. Don’t settle and wish and expect things to get better. As Forcing change within personality disordered, people can even be a challenge for professional therapists to solve.
Lying and cheating can dissolve and erode trust and turn even the strongest of us fragile and insecure.
Understanding the Psychology of lying
Just because someone cheats doesn’t mean they don’t love you, or if they are not truthful, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
Non – genuine Individuals that cheat or break promises do these things because they are just too consumed by their lower nature selfishness, jealousy, and addictiveness.
What can you do about a Dishonest Relationship?
It is a losing battle to give all your trust to someone in a relationship when it instinctively feels like whatever is happening now will happen again, which is frightening.
Ask yourself. Can I put 100% of my trust in his actions? If you’re unable to trust him 100% and give him the standards you want in a relationship, then you should consider moving on because, in a dishonest relationship, we become or do things which is not who we actually are.
Perhaps he’s doing something you don’t like, but you’re being a person you don’t like as well. by going through his phone and playing detective.
6) The Relationship Scorecard
Keeping a scorecard in a relationship is as the title implies. It is a battle to see who has screwed up the most in the relationship’s length and to see who is most indebted to the other in the relationship.
As human beings, we are glorious in making mistakes. It’s a way of learning and growing and, in this case, realizing the people that are not supposed to be in our lives.
An Example of a relationship scorecard would be:
“Look, you forgot my coat at the mall! You’re so clumsy you keep forgetting stuff. Remember a month ago when you forgot to bring my charger as well.”
It sucks when someone continually fires shots at you, by bringing up mistakes of the past to the present to make you feel small and more stupid.
It is a poorly built personality which, although not as big a deal as the other reasons for a toxic relationship, this one trait can be a small tumor that could eventually build onto bigger problems in the relationship.
Why is it so Hard to Leave a Bad Relationship?
Unlike a breakup, being able to say to yourself that this is a toxic relationship and you’ve got to leave is much harder than a breakup. Firstly because of your damaged self-esteem and the emotional baggage that you are carrying.
From personal experience and research, I have compiled four of the main reasons that cause some people to stay in a toxic relationship.
1) Low Self Esteem
Self Esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect. We would need self-esteem to be self-assured in ourselves and believe that we can take on life challenges.
After being continually put down, belittled, and abused, your self-esteem is left in shatters and torn to bits in a Toxic Relationship.
Your shattered self-esteem leaves you grieving the thought that “No one is ever going to love you again.” And that you start to believe that you won’t be able to make it out there by yourself. The thought of alone seeming even more frightening than being in a toxic relationship.
2) Hoping for things to get better
When we spend our days and nights with someone, it could become challenging to move on. We don’t want to give up on them even though things maybe not going our way in the relationship.
We keep coming back to the words: “This time it will be different”
Step back for a second and answer yourself, are things actually getting better? It is Ok to say enough is enough and move on.
Keep in mind that the only person you control in this world is yourself. Change has to come from within; it can’t be forced. Only then do things have the potential of changing for the better.
3) You have Invested too much into the Relationship
It is harder to give up on something when you feel like you’ve put everything into the relationship. So you think to yourself that: “I can’t let this relationship fail. I have been in this relationship this long, and I have been through so much, so I might as well stay”.
You might have invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship. Still, you must understand that you’re losing yourself into a relationship that doesn’t return any love and is detrimental to your health.
Even though how hard it may seem to throw away months or years, it is much better to leave rather than stay and invest more of your energy and love, which would have no return to you.
Hurting, feeling broken, or lost in a relationship is a terrible feeling. It is better to watch for all the signs of an unhealthy relationship before things get much more serious to the point where you won’t be able to leave the relationship.
The truth is that none of these matters, We can only give so much to our partner before we break down and lose ourselves in the relationship.
For a relationship to blossom and to stay healthy, you must make sacrifices but making sacrifices that destroy your self-esteem and self-respect for someone is totally the wrong way to look at a relationship.
Hey guys! my name is Farid Babajan and I’m the co-founder of relationshipwhatsup.com. Around 5 years ago I came out of a relationship which I wasn’t too happy about. Afterward, I decided to start kicking ass in life and in relationships. Getting to understand people around me better as well as myself. This has allowed me to share with you all my knowledge on Love, Romance as well as complications and problems in relationships.