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Just like a breakup, getting over someone you’ve never met can play the same mechanics and emotions on someone that has experienced a breakup. To ease your heart and brain I will share with you the 10 ways to get over someone, aswell as the one best way to get over someone.
What are the 10 best ways to get over someone you haven’t met?
- Get real with yourself
- Have a reality check
- Social media cleansing
- Get back in the dating game
- Spend time with your friends
- Express your feelings to friends or family
- Feed your mind with positivity
- Be thoughtful about what music you listen to
- Reward yourself for small wins
- “It’s their loss not yours” type mentality
It is important to understand your feelings and why you feel this kind of way, read on after the 10 reasons to understand why this is happening to you, and what the easiest and quickest way is to get over someone you have never met or dated.
1) Get Real With Yourself
The mental and emotional aspect of keeping in contact with someone for a prolonged amount of time without actually meeting the person can have as much of an emotional toll on someone compared to an actual relationship breakup.
Real relationships have labels that clear doubts on the grounds on which both of you stand on. You’re either dating or not, Simple. But In an unrequited Love, you always try to seek validation through lines that are blurry and rewritten time over time.
You may talk and act like a couple, but there’s No Label; it’s like your floating in the air. The next morning he may end up with someone else.
And there’s no way in expressing your feelings of hurt and crushed emotions. You stay silent because there’s something about grieving an ending that had no beginning that makes you seem like a fool.
Texting and Video call interactions can be a great mirage.
You begin to conclude that: “if these short interactions are so great, I wonder what it will be like if we dated”? You pile up all those fantasies of what could be, and you cling to something which seems more like a fairytale than reality.
2. Reality Check
Even though you feel lost within, and your heart is breaking piece by piece, you keep the pursuit and keep the contact. Perseverance for the things we love is beautiful but at what expense?
You don’t really know this person; you don’t even know if there’s going to be a time where you meet. And still, you invest your heart and emotions. As you give away more of yourself, you become more depressed and beaten up.
Would you Invest your emotions in something even though you feel and see substantial losses within yourself?
Realize that you didn’t share Love, you had an admiration/infatuation/attraction towards them, but they didn’t feel the same way back.
And when someone doesn’t return what you’re giving out, then it’s time to move on. There will always be someone out there that will reciprocate and appreciate your love.
3. Social Media Cleansing
Before we get into the logistics answer me this question:
Suppose you were going on a diet to lose weight. Would you want cake and Ice Cream in the fridge or doughnuts on the counter?
Just like eliminating close and instant access to foods that are detrimental to your weight and health, we must eliminate anything that contributes to the thought representation of the person we are trying to forget.
Perception & Perspectives
When we post images, quotes, and videos, we try to convey that moment’s significance and meaning. What a picture means to the person who posted it has a completely different meaning towards what you believe the meaning of their picture conveys.
For Example, what are the first thoughts that come to mind when looking at these images below?
(On the right):
- It makes him look younger?
- Looks like a skateboarder?
- Probably having fun with friends and hitting on girls?
(On the left):
- Seems more serious
- Looks like a dad taking his dog out for a walk?
- Is a supporter of a Chicago White Sox baseball team?
Every Time you have the opportunity to see him in a photo, it allows you to create some story that you don’t actually know the answer to, and this, in turn, creates more mystery and creates more problems in your head.
So please get rid of social media for some time in order to cleanse your mind of him and to avoid creating random stories about them.
4. Get back in the Game
It’s not the end of love or perhaps the end of your happiness. That’s how we all feel after a breakup. But you have to realize that the other person didn’t share the love and admiration you had for them.
Go out there to remind yourself of all the other fish in the sea and that there is someone out there for you that will share the same love and admiration for you.
Seeking dating and relationship adventures right after a breakup can help ignite that fire within you once again. Once you dress up and walk out like you own the damn place can bring whole new energy to the environment aswell as yourself.
You begin to feel confident again and feel desired. Remind yourself of who you were before being tangled in this nonexistent relationship.
How would you feel if someone came up to you and complimented your looks or your personality? You would feel confident and desired. Feelings of desire and validation are very potent and addicting. But it is not the solution to your sorrow.
Be Careful, And Have In Mind
Although this type of solution is external, these distractions and fixes are very temporary and, in some cases, may end up hurting you more. How? Read on
When moving on from someone you cherished, you tend to put them on this throne and try to relate to that person on future dates. So this leads to comparing with every other guy you meet. It’ll lead you to ask the question, “when am I ever going to meet the one.”
After several dates where the guy doesn’t meet the criteria, and the dates are a complete disaster, it would eventually lead to dating burnout. You end up going home feeling exhausted, lonely, and isolated, especially when you focus your mind on that previous relationship.
5. Spend time with your friends
Hanging out with friends, turning up in the club is a great way to get your head busy. It will remind you that you’re not alone and that you have close people that are there within a finger tap away to come and hang out with you and converse.
Although crowding yourself with friends is a brilliant way to keep your mind of things, it is an external distraction, meaning that it is not the best solution. So when your laying in your bed after the night out, all those emotions and thoughts will just crowd your mind again once again.
It is great to go out with your closest friends but keep in mind that you should have different types of friends around you.
The 2 Different Kinds Of Friends That Help
The Intellectual Sage
These are the ones that have great wisdom, and you can sit down with them for hours and have long, interesting conversations with them. They can help you see this situation in a much clearer light as well as boost your confidence with their very inspiring talks.
The Party Animal
You would also need those friends that are very free-spirited, those which you can go out and have fun, party. Friends that don’t take things too seriously.
6. Express your feelings
Find someone you can share your feeling with. Do not hold negative thoughts inside your head, instead talk to them, un bottle your feeling with them.
Expressing your feelings freely with friends or family can sometimes be really hard. Below I have shared a very helpful video on Youtube on how to express your feelings without fear.
7. Feeding your mind with positivity
It seems obvious if you feel terrible when you try to forget your crush. You start leveling down yourself. You highlight your flaws and get to believe that you are not good enough.
But you need to know that is not true, and you are responsible to improve your feelings and control your emotions. List the great characteristics you have and read them every day when you wake up. Know your journey is just starting.
Getting over someone you haven’t met or dated can have the same mental problems like a breakup. Below I have linked to a site that gives you 7 Awesome Phrases That Will Help You Get Over a Breakup.
8. Change your music
No one can deny the fact that music is the strongest form of magic. It happened to all of you that you created some beautiful dreams and made up many situations with your crush in your head while listening to your favorite music.
What I don’t get is that, how do you expect to forget your crush, when you still listen to the same songs. It will just remind you of all the memories you built about your crush in your head. Go to your playlist and delete all of them permanently and replace them with the new music playlist.
9. Reward yourself for small wins
Ever wondered why you begin undervaluing yourself when you struggle to get over a guy you never met?
You start overthinking about what have you done wrong, and you would focus on only what-ifs in the back of your mind.
In this case, if you want to overcome this difficulty, I recommend you to celebrate little things. Reward yourself for any positive action you take. It is a phycological necessity, particularly when you’re in a vulnerable situation. It can be a small thing like passing your exam or starting your gym.
“If you don’t care about yourself, no one else will.”
10. Note to self
Remember it’s their loss. You know how amazing you are. You’re worth it and love yourself. Rejection is protection. Sometimes you have to lose to win.
The Quickest and Easiest Way to Get Over Someone You Haven’t Dated.
When it comes to the cure of pain or a certain problem, many of us try to fill our days with as many distractions as possible.
Distractions work in the very short term, and when you get that time to think again, your brain will snap back to those negative emotions and memories that made your heartache.
So distractions alone aren’t the recipe for a broken heart or an internal pain in which you are feeling.
Take an hour of your day, and think of an important thing you can do or work on in your life, that will give you a sense of achievement and fulfillment.
Anytime you work on something important, you feel confident, and this sense of confidence and progress boosts you up more to take on other challenges and tasks in your life.
Why Do I Feel Like This Towards a Person I never Met?
Getting over someone who never loved you or that certain circumstances prevented you from realizing what could’ve been. Certain things may have prevented you from realizing a potential relationship, such as he might have had a girlfriend or he was living in another city.
When Potential enters the conversation, we become more fantasized. We create, we imagine what could’ve been; It becomes almost something of a greater challenge than a real relationship, I believe.
In a relationship, one can remove that person from their minds much simpler, as the memories and experiences are there, and when you think of that person, you can remind yourself of all those negative thoughts and feelings they made you feel; hence it is much simpler to understand why that relationship didn’t last.
On the other hand, when you’ve had short-lived experiences with someone either through a one-night stand, through long-distance phone conversations, or two to three dates that went well and never again continued.
You are left with a silver lining on what could have happened, the potential of the romance. Although you have not created any actual memories with that person, your mind goes into the fantasy of all the hopes of what you thought the relationship could’ve been.
This hope and fantasizing about something is referred to as Infatuation.
Love, Lust & Infatuation. The Differences?
To control an emotion, we must first label that emotion and understand what it really is. So what are these feelings you are feeling? Is it Love? Lust? No, it is Infatuation.
What is Love?
The most talked about and the most experienced subject in the world. What is this crazy emotion that takes control of our bodies and minds? Many people link love with desire and pleasure. Many see love as a negotiable trade, where if the other person meets your needs and desires, you’ll love them. If you don’t meet their desires and pleasures, then they leave.
This insatiable nature of desire that someone has to fill our cup, and if they don’t, it will lead to anger and cause people to break up.
Love is much deeper. Love is help. Everybody is having a hard time; love is devotion to their struggle. Being committed to someone’s life. Helping them to suffer less. To manage their minds and emotions and wanting to see them succeed in life. Love is blind, meaning that loving someone makes you unable to see their faults.
What is Lust?
Lust is when you walk into a cafe, bar, restaurant, or club and seeing a guy that caught your eyes, and there is this strong desire for him.
Lust means feeling a strong desire for someone or something, especially of sexual nature.
So when you hear someone say it was love at first sight, it most likely was lust. The sexual attraction is usually the contributing factor when someone approaches and interacts with someone else.
What is Infatuation?
Just like lust, infatuation is an intense attraction towards someone, but infatuation is a more complex version of lust.
- Infatuation is based on imagination and projection vs. Love, which is witnessed reality
Infatuation is always based on projection, projections of who they are as a person. Projections on what your relationship could be like. Infatuation is mostly based on projections because there isn’t enough information for it to be real.
On the other hand, Love is experiences of what you have seen, have had, and those memories you have created with that person.
- Infatuation is Unpredictable vs. Love is Predictable
With infatuation, you don’t know what to expect. There’s nothing really official there. You don’t know if you’re going to get ghosted. You basically don’t know what can and will happen.
As for love, there is predictability, there is trust, commitment, and there is no need to tie down the other person because of insecurity of what they may be up to. In love, the other person is your biggest trend; you care for them and wish for their happiness.
1) Work on Yourself
The best. I repeat the absolute best possible way to forget about someone is to work on yourself. Set goals and have aims. Do you want to get fit? get that job promotion? learn a third language? Work on something that drives you day in day out. Once that feeling of progression enters your body, you feel a high sense of confidence.
2) The Past is the Past
What was what could’ve been? You have realized that this: quote on quote ‘relationship’ wasn’t really heading anywhere, and you were hurting without being loved.
Look back at it, learn from but don’t let the emotions seep in you and overwhelm you. Leave it where it is, appreciate the things you learned, but understand this journey, and it’s time to move on to better and greater things in your life and love life.
3) Know its ok to love them
Love is a beautiful thing, and it is never wrong to love. It should be viewed as a lovely gift. However, the part of maturity is that recognizing love by itself isn’t enough to make a relationship work.
Certain circumstances such as timing, choices, and values play a significant role in whether the relationship can thrive.
4) Hanging out with Friends
Be around people that make you feel good, that listen to you and empathize with you. Being around friends that appreciate you and remind you what a good person you are. Strong friendships allow you to realize once again that you still matter and belong.
Hey guys! my name is Farid Babajan and I’m the co-founder of relationshipwhatsup.com. Around 5 years ago I came out of a relationship which I wasn’t too happy about. Afterward, I decided to start kicking ass in life and in relationships. Getting to understand people around me better as well as myself. This has allowed me to share with you all my knowledge on Love, Romance as well as complications and problems in relationships.