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Have you ever been in a relationship where everything seemed ok and you were just super excited to see your boyfriend? But out of nowhere your boyfriend hits you with this line “You deserve better?” It can drive anyone crazy. But don’t worry, I’ve got you covered on what he means and what to do about it.
So, before we get into the details. Let’s see what the reasons are when he says you deserve better.
- His plan was just to have sex with you.
- Uncertain about his future, and the relationships
- He want to keep his options open
- Unrequited love from you
- He wants you to beg him otherwise
- He loves you but feels that you’re dragging him down
- Doesn’t believe he can give you the life you deserve
- He is Just done with the relationship
Whether he doesn’t know what he wants or that he just wants to sleep with many women, it is important to hold yourself of high value. Don’t let him play with your emotions. In this article, we will be looking at the reasons why he does this, what to do and why you should never settle for less.
What Does It mean When a Man Says You Deserve Better?
Reason 1: He Is Trying To Get The Cookie
A woman can make a man do all kinds of crazy things. Men are very sexualized by women and women’s bodies. All a man wants to accomplish in his life is sex. Sex with women and love from one beautiful woman for the rest of his life.
The greatest pleasure for a man is sex. A good car is nice, an ego boost or confidence boost from becoming successful is wonderful. But where a man draws the line of success is when he can attract the women he desires.
Let me ask you. Have you ever had a man that did everything right? He was there for you emotionally. He got you all kinds of nice gifts. And it was as if he gave away all his savings just for you.
But, after all, he has done for you and proved that he can be the man for you, he comes and says “You deserve better” what on earth does it mean?
A man will usually say this for the reason that he got what he wanted from you in the relationship. And that is the cookie or in the other term, SEX.
That’s the end all be all for men. After seducing a woman into the bed they would dump them. Not because they don’t want them, but because they just couldn’t afford that lifestyle he displayed with you, he knows that he can’t keep it up.
Reason 2: Uncertainty For The Future
He’s madly in love with you. But, unfortunately, due to the circumstances in your lives, it’s making things difficult for both of you to continue the relationship.
It wasn’t that long ago. That I choked because I was telling my girlfriend that due to our long-distance relationship we should break up. I said this because I knew that being together for longer would grow our hearts fonder for each other. And in turn, hurt us more if things wouldn’t work out.
Consider your relationship and the situation in which your relationship is in. Are you guys in a long-distance relationship? Does his job keep changing from country to country? Or is there some uncertainty on whether he can support you financially?
If your boyfriend is in any one of these situations. Then for him to tell you, “You deserve better” is a more subtle and more gentle way of telling you that you should break up.
Reason 3: He Wants To Keep His Options Open
I have met many guys who just got into their first relationship. Despite them being in their first relationship for a long time, they sometimes find discontent in the relationship. Not because of any red flags in the relationship. But because they fear being tied down to one woman for life.
Many men who experience their first relationships, get this derived sense that they can sleep with any woman. And hence they develop this taste to get out there and expand their experiences with other women
Reason 4: Unrequited Love
He’ll say the words, “you deserve better” to get out of the relationship. Because he felt that he wasn’t being met emotionally and physically by you.
During Unrequited Love, there are occasions when a person develops strong feelings for someone, only to discover that they are not reciprocated. Unrequited love is defined as a love that is not reciprocated. It’s a one-sided encounter that might leave us feeling hurt, angry, or ashamed.
Unrequited love isn’t only in the form of emotional touch, it is also tied with physical touch as well.
Unrequited physical love is the wish to touch, hold hands, kiss, or embrace the other person. When people are equally attracted and crave physical closeness, they want to connect on a physical level.
He’s made up his mind to move on from the relationship. And you should let him go. Because when a man makes a decision like this, it is possibly because he was not being met with your love for a while.
Reason 5: Wants You To Beg Him Otherwise
There is this belief that when women get bored in the relationship they start drama. Well, men aren’t very far from that as well. Some men can be really insane.
These men will start something like this in order to see you beg for him and try to win his love again.
These men get off on girls that beg for them. They want to see if they are still in control of the relationship.
It’s not the right thing for him to do. But the way you can find out if this is the reason he is doing this is to check how quickly he moves on from the conversation and accepts your argument when you told him that “I am enough for him”.
Reason 6: He Loves You, But Feels That You’re Dragging Him Down
Consider what his goals in life are, and what drives him professionally. Driven men that end up in relationships that require a lot of time and effort, often end up getting burnt out by them.
Men that seek to become very successful and rich need their space and sometimes they need a day or two without talking to anyone.
Driven men are willing to become successful at any cost, and if you’re not feeding his fuel to strive for more and become better, then his only option would be to move on from you
Reason 7: He Doesnt Believe He Can Give You The Life You Deserve and Want
A minority of men can see past their lies and the toxic traits they bring to the relationship. They can own up to it. And they say goodbye to you instead, rather than keeping you around and making you stay in a mediocre and poor relationship.
He loves you so much and wants to genuinely see you happy. It’ll be no use in trying to keep him around. He knows that his personality is the way it is. He either can’t change who he is or he just doesn’t want to change who he is
Sometimes what we get in relationships is the love story paradox. This means that both of you played the part of the relationship with each other with totally different ideas to what the storyline actually is.
What ends up happening with couples like this, is that one couple would end up saying how much they loved them and the other would see the relationship as a dead-end, and a love which they couldn’t meet with you.
When someone tells you that you deserve better because they treated you badly. Then you better believe them because they know it.
At some point, they even know their behavior is bad. So when they say you deserve better, clearly understand that they are saying “I know I can not give you what you want”
Reason 8: He’s Just Done With The Relationship
I once read a quote online which made me realize how unstable and unpredictable some people can be, and why you shouldn’t invest all you have in them before being sure of their character
The Quote was:
“The worst thing about getting close to someone is the thought that at any point, they could lose complete interest in you”.
Relationships, especially long-term relationships can get tedious and rudimentary at times, but that is when character and personality come into play.
Because a good and loyal man knows that feelings always diminish, but trust, respect, honor define love in action. Therefore as a man, he’s given up on you and neglects to work on the relationship with you.
His Non-commitment and his decisions to either stay with you or not can be one of the most toxic things. Read Here On What To Do When He Has Commitment Issues
How Do You Know When He Wants To Break Up?
It is quite not fully clear what a guy means when he says “You Deserve Better.” Is he actually tired of you? Or is he just playing games with you?
In order to know if your boyfriend wants to break up with you or not, we should consider some signs that tell us if he actually wants to break up.
Before we get into the signs that he wants to split up with you, consider how his life is going right now. He could be working additional hours at work to get more money, or he might be depressed, so don’t take things too personally.
So, let’s begin.
1) He Makes No Attempt To Work Things Out
When you sit down with him to talk about how the relationship is going and how he could be upsetting you over anything, he will swiftly shift the subject or brush it off.
A guy who wants to be with you will compromise and find a way to make the relationship work, but any form of resistance is him subconsciously telling you that he wants to break up. But he lacks the confidence to say so.
2) There Is a Change Of How You Communicate
Is it more difficult than ever to get him to answer your calls, and does he appear to take a longer time to respond to your text messages?
In a healthy relationship, there is this natural progress from texting to calling to meeting up.
If he doesn’t want to talk to you on the phone or to continue the text conversation, then take this as him wanting to have space and avoid communication.
If your boyfriend has been spending too much time with his friend and very little time with you, I advise you to check out this article
3) He Accuses You Of Being Insecure.
Gaslighting is another term for it. It’s a common topic when a relationship comes to an end.
When you begin to question his distance or why he ignores your calls, he will tell you that you are insecure.
It’s a way for a guy to refuse their distance and behavior and to not cause a scene.
4) There’s Less Sex
The typical amount of sex between couples might range from, every day to once a week to two days or three days a week.
Depending on what is the usual number for you. If you have noticed a decrease in the frequency with which you and your partner have sex, sexual jokes, or teasing, it’s a sign that he’s avoiding intimacy with you.
5) He Sees a Battle In Everything.
People who desire to end their relationship will find it more difficult to speak with the other person. Is he being a jerk, provoking conflicts over insignificant matters, or simply being a complete jackass? This indicates that he simply wants to start the break up process with a big fight.
6) He Says “You Deserve Someone Better”
A man who really loves you and wants you in his life will try to work everything out at all costs. It doesn’t matter the distance or what’s going on in his life. When a man really wants women he will adapt to any situation and make everything work out.
When he says “you deserve better”, it means that he is low in self-esteem and is not willing to do the work in order to make the relationship work. So he decides on just giving up and breaking off the relationship.
Read here the full guide on the 8 reasons why your boyfriend hates you
How Do You Respond To “I Don’t Deserve You?“
You need to be a woman that motivates a guy to take action, by either being better for you or leaving you, so he’ll stop wasting your time.
A woman attempting to persuade a guy that he is good enough won’t inspire this man to be better. Value your worth and time. I know it’s going to hurt but you can’t let men like him push you around with their words.
When a man decided that he doesn’t deserve you or that he needs to move on, you should believe him. Because believe me, men know what exactly they are saying and what they want
“It boils down to one thing: You Do Deserve Better. So often times when people tell us the truth, we don’t want to hear it, but they are telling us the truth.”
Sometimes we can love so blindly that we can love the person that is being cruel to us. We make excuses for the person who is not showing up. “Oh they are busy” “they just have some family issues” “they cant express themselves emotionally”. – Stop making excuses for them!
In this article, you learned 8 reasons why he might say “you deserve better” although it can get confusing on what he actually means by it. But the main belief is that he wants to break up with you.
But you can’t make your judgment and assume he wants to break up with you because of these words he uttered to you.
Instead, you should be looking at the signs that show you if he wants to break up with you.
The signs that show that he wants to break up with you are:
- He makes no attempt to make things workout between you
- You communicate less
- He seems more distant
- He accuses you of being insecure
- There is less sex
- He sees a battle in everything
- He says “you deserve someone better”
“When a man really loves you, he won’t be telling you that you deserve better. He will do anything in his power to be better for you.”
As a woman, you’ve go to really know your worth in the relationship. As a woman with high values, you will instinctively know that this man has no intention of making a commitment at this time, and hence you will not waste your time on him.