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Being uncertain of your future with someone you love can break a heart. Waiting and hoping that he will one day find it in his heart to love you and stay is a dangerous situation, to put yourself into. In this article, I hope to clarify to you why he’s not committing and what to do when he keeps changing his mind.
So let’s get into it right away. What to do when he keeps changing his mind?
- Break up the connection or the relationship
- Putting up with it for a few months to see what he actually wants
- Talk. Be assertive not aggressive
- Change your mindset on the situation
If you don’t take control of the circumstance as soon as possible, you could find yourself in a very tough and miserable situation. Continue on reading to uncover more on what to do when he keeps changing his mind about you, and why he’s not committing to you.
Why Is It So Hard Letting Go Of Someone You Love
To understand why it is so hard to let go of someone you love, we have to look at what love is, and why it is such a powerful emotion that causes us to not want to let go of it. As well as why it is hard going through a withdrawal from a relationship or someone we love.
Love truly feels like the greatest drug. It can feel like heaven filled with a million heart emojis floating around you.
Being love-struck releases high levels of dopamine, a chemical that “gets the reward system going,” said Olds. Dopamine activates the reward circuit, helping to make love a pleasurable experience similar to the euphoria associated with use of cocaine or alcohol.
Harvard Study
There’s really nothing worse and personal than letting go of someone you love. So what are the main reasons that make it hard for us to let go of someone we love, even if they are bad for us?
- Fear of failure. FIghting for so long to no avail and be frightening.
- Wasted time
- Being alone
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Now let’s get to the points made on what to do when he keeps changing his mind down below.
1) Break Up The Connection Or The Relationship
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Why should you allow anyone to play your heart like that? At what expense does love come at? Love shouldn’t take pieces of your heart away-and most definitely love shouldn’t be a place of guessing and uncertainty.
If it was true love, there would be no uncertainties and challenges between choosing if you are the one he wants to be with.
When someone keeps leading you on and brings a lot of uncertainty of their feeling for you, it can hurt as much as a breakup.
Break up with him right away, because it will instantly stop all the uncertainty from your life, you can finally move on and find someone who is not an inconsiderate fool.
But there are some rules you should follow, considering who the guy is in your life
The Rule For When He’s a Guy You’ve Just Been Seeing
This is when you’re in the first stages of going out and getting to know someone. At this stage, there may be love but if there’s intimacy and he keeps pulling back when things get serious, then you’ve got a serious problem in your hands
One of the books I highly recommend to my clients and friends is this book right here. It will teach incredibly simple techniques and tricks that will make him not just pay attention to you but worship you like his personal queen?
A guy like this will try to manipulate you by having sex and being intimate but when the discussion of a relationship pops up he will run for his life.
Most guys will keep it on the hush from you and will keep leading you on by their words that things will get serious, but in reality, he just wants to have sex and never commit.
The Rule For When He’s Your Boyfriend
Breaking up shouldn’t be the first thought that comes to your mind when something goes sideways in your relationship, especially with your boyfriend.
He can easily be yours forever. Once you learn what men really want. Have him be the one chasing you. The relationship rewrite method is a course that teaches you the one simple method on getting through any man’s emotional armor,
So why should it be different, when your boyfriend changes his mind about you?
- There was history and commitment in the relationship.
- There will always be bumpy roads ahead in a long-term relationship
- Consider his feeling to a point, because he’s your boyfriend.
Uncertainty In a Relationship
Being uncertain of yourself or the other people around us can be completely normal, especially when we are at a younger age where we have all our lives in front of us to be uncertain of.
It can be most common in long-term relationships. Because as things get serious the talk of marriage and the future of committing and providing for you can get to him.
If he’s your boyfriend it’s totally fine if he starts feeling like this. Just give him some time for himself, be there for him, and sympathize with him. But don’t lose yourself in this process, never let a guy keep playing with your feelings day in day out.
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2) Setting a Time Limit For Him
Giving yourself time to put up with his indecisiveness on making up his decision about you. Giving him time is a brave and dangerous thing to do, as you’ll be hurting yourself more than anything.
But applaud your bravery for finding it in yourself to wait a certain amount of time. Sometimes men go through challenges of trying to figure themselves out and their future, but the time you wait should never be for too long.
“Tell yourself that you’re going to put up with his behaviour for a month. If he decides to stay with you, Great! If he doesn’t, Move on”
3) Communicate Assertively
After coming across a video on youtube on how to communicate effectively. I learned that someone with real confidence and self-worth stands up for themselves. And by standing up, I don’t mean throwing a left hook on his face.
Make sure you use this one communication method I’m going to mention down below, for when you want to express to him how you feel and how you can’t wait too long for him on changing his mind about you.
There are 3 forms of communication which I will discuss down below. If you’re doing 2 out of 3 of these, you need to change that approach in order to settle things properly.
| Type of Communication | Meaning | Examples |
|---|---|---|
| Assertive Communication | Standing up for yourself and expressing your point of view that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. | Exp: Could you explain the reasoning behind your decision, so I can try to understand what you’re doing” |
| Aggressive Communication | Verbally abusive. Aggressive behavior does not consider the rights and feelings of others. | Exp: “This is all your fault.” “It’s my way or the highway.” |
| Passive Communication | Avoiding expression and not standing up for yourself | Exp: “I don’t know what my rights are.” “I get stepped on by everyone”. |
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4) Change Your Mindset
If he keeps changing his mind about you and you look for a way to make him commit, then I would say, you think of him as your dream guy and soulmate. But does he think the same way?
How can he ever possibly be that very important guy for you, if you have to make him feel things for you?
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How can he ever be the one? He has disqualified himself by not having those feelings for you.
“Just because we think someone is important to us, it doesn’t mean they are actually important or are making our lives better”.
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Conclusion
Is he leading you on? What do you do when he actually tells you he’s not into a relationship? It can be very frustrating.
Many women I’ve seen and talked to seem to always have one thing on the back of their minds, and that is to manipulate him to choose her and to stay
Firstly, you should thank a man who tells you “I don’t want a relationship”. There’s no need to convince or to manipulate. He’s said all that is needed to be said. Move On!
And if keep changing his mind about you remember the 4 rules mentioned up above as well as one specific quote I will mention:
- Break up the relationship or connection right away
- Give him a month to make up his mind about you. If he doesn’t, get out of there
- Communicate assertively
- Change your mindset on his importance in your life
“Be afraid of losing yourself in the relationship not him”
Hey guys! my name is Farid Babajan and I’m the co-founder of relationshipwhatsup.com. Around 5 years ago I came out of a relationship which I wasn’t too happy about. Afterward, I decided to start kicking ass in life and in relationships. Getting to understand people around me better as well as myself. This has allowed me to share with you all my knowledge on Love, Romance as well as complications and problems in relationships.